Who do you turn to, when you need dating advice? Most people turn to friends, family or coaches but the majority of us are still getting dating advice from books. How do you know which book to turn to? As I recently discovered, no two dating books are created equal! Dating books tend to fall into three categories; the outdated and unhelpful, explain to you what you already know or the very rare exhaustive dating bible. The cult self-help book, He’s just not that into you was published in 2004 and a movie was released five years later in 2009. This book has received rave reviews from TV personalities to self-help gurus but what advice does this book give us and is the content still relevant?

The fundamental principle of He’s just not that into you is that if a guy is displaying certain behavioural characteristics; whether you’re anxiously waiting for a guy to call or text, over analysing his messages with friends, on some level you innately know the person you’re interested in does not share the same feelings; He’s just not that into you only confirms what you already know. However, as reassuring as it is to have your feelings confirmed, this dating manual fails to empower women by showing them how to create attraction with men they want; The philosophy of this book abides by the principle that chemistry and attraction just happen nevertheless, science and psychology inform us that there are conditions for chemistry and attraction to occur.  Women are highly intelligent and certain elements of this book do not illustrate women in this light; women are extremely intuitive and should be encouraged to listen to that inner voice that tells them, the man they’re into is not right for them, instead of simply spelling it out in a way that comes across as derogatory.

The authors do not encourage women to take a step back and logically consider the events of the date or relationship,  review their own actions, then make changes to ensure the same mistakes are not made in the future. I am certainly not saying that women make mistakes which are solely responsible for the actions of the badly behaved men in their lives. However, all of our actions do have consequences and if we are to embrace the love life that we deserve then making millimetre shifts by placing down boundaries and correcting mistakes will ensure success long term.

The other major flaw of this book is, it focuses on the extremities of male dating etiquette and expects men to be perfect, such a man does not exist! No one’s perfect, in every relationship or courtship you are going to have communication problems, as a consequence of the merging of two separate lives, like many other people, I too have experienced these problems and the majority of these issues stem from bad behaviour going unchecked or a man testing the waters to see how much he can get away with; these elements of poor behaviour can be correct by effectively communicating to your partner. This book does not differentiate between a bad boy and a man with poor dating skills, by illustrating extreme circumstances, it places all men in the same basket; let’s face it not all men are created equal! Men and women perceive events and comprehend conversations in very different ways, understanding a little about the psyche of opposite sex, can enlighten us to communicate to our partners in a way that is both uplifting and informative.

In spite of all the aspects of this book that can be viewed as extreme and explains to women what they already know; in its own way, this book encourages women to higher the standard of their love lives and to pursue the love life they deserve by not waste time with men who so obviously are not into them. This book plays on women’s ability to over analyse but does not inspire women to harness this asset for the greater good of their loves lives. He’s just not that into you is relevant for today’s dating scene but fails to show women a way out of just dating the men who are interested in them and dating the men they want. This book is a great gauge if you need help deciphering whether a man is into you or not. It only does what the title says, no more no less! Do you agree with my point of view? Let me know by using the comments box below. I’d love to hear from you.

With love,

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xo


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Amelia Hay

Author + Coach at Amelia Hay International
I help multi-passionate women just like you to package, brand and market your passions so that you can create your dream business and life, find clarity, confidence, and clients, and make a difference in your world.
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