While reading the NY Post this morning, I came across an interview with an upcoming dating expert and soon to be New York Times best-selling author, where a journalist asked this guru whether he was in a relationship. As reasonable and insignificant as this question may seem, it makes me wonder; Is your current relationship status an appropriate barometer to measure the success of your love life? What exactly defines a successful love life? As I stare at the question on my screen, I begin to wonder, what barometer should I be using to gauge the success of our love lives?
As a means to decipher whether we are using the appropriate apparatus to evaluate the success of our loves lives, we must first define what are the necessary attributes of an individual, who is successful and, as a result, determine what a successful love life looks like. After reading a multitude of dating books and spending numerous hours scrolling through blogs and web pages, I have concluded, there are four essential attributes of an individual with a successful dating life; have an amazing life abundantly filled with activities and people you love, the ability to instantaneously build rapport or establish a relationship with anyone, the ability to overcome the fear of rejection and the capacity to build attraction with a potential love interest. If someone possess all of these idiosyncrasies and is loving life, can they still be defined as having an unsuccessful love life if they are currently not in a relationship?
In consideration of the attributes, it becomes evident, why using the destination of finding the love of your life or being married is not the most appropriate barometer. By gauging success by your marital or relationship status, you take the focus off the journey and upon a seemingly unattainable destination. This shift of focus ushers in feelings of anxiety, neediness and fear as a consequence pushing you further away from your goal. Break free from the mindset of, dating is all about finding a partner so you can get married, start embracing dating as an opportunity to find a partner to enjoy your amazing life with. Start seeing marriage as a potentially exciting moment within that journey; by focusing upon having a great life with a partner, this change of focus, eliminates the pressure, that comes with a massive dating goal like marriage, and as a result this new mindset allows an individual to become more open to opportunities to meeting new people and eventually finding a life partner.
The focus of marriage being the goal of dating, often comes from well-meaning people who believe, the only possible way for their single friends to be happy, is for them to be married or in a relationship. People often confuse happiness as a destination rather than a feeling. Happiness is something that two people bring into a relationship as opposed to being derived from being in one. It is possible to conclude that if you are happy being single than you will most likely bring this feeling into a healthy relationship. The ability to be happy no matter your relationship status comes from knowing who you are and having the courage to be that person combined with enjoyment from your everyday life. Perhaps, the perfect barometer to measure the success of your love life is simply, whether you are happy.
In a world, that is preoccupied with destination, time and success, it is possible to allow these principles to creep into our love lives and, as a result, we begin to measure our lives by these ideals. A successful love life isn’t just about having the appropriate attributes or having a correct focus; the evidence of a successful love life is happiness. Are you happy with your love life? Do you agree; is happiness, the correct barometer to measure your love life? Please let me know by using the comments box below. I’d love to hear from you.