I have always been the person at parties who ends up standing at the edge of a conversation, hoping and wishing that one day, people would find me irresistible and hang off my every word. I spent years admiring popular and passionate people who draw others in. These people are incredibly irresistible. Are people born with an irresistible quality or charm? What qualities cause someone to be irresistible? Is irresistibility a skill that can be acquired? 

The good news for all the more reserved or introverted people is: your personality is not set in stone. In fact, irresistibility is a social skill that can be acquired with practice. This irresistible quality that can be seen in some people is no more than a by-product of being a great conversationalist. So, How do you become a great conversationalist?

1. Engage Emotion

One of the biggest mistakes people make during conversation is focusing upon the facts. In order to be irresistible, on of the biggest things we need to do is to create a strong and immediate response. This is very rarely achieved through sticking with the facts. I want you to recall your most recent social experience. What do you remember? Do you remember the details of the conversation or do you remember how you felt? The majority of people fail to recall the details of conversations, but they do remember how they felt. This is because emotions are more accessible than information. When you experience emotion, your brain has a certain way of remembering it.  The subconscious mind recalls pictures and emotion and does not respond to words and facts, whereas, you conscious mind remembers facts but only for a short amount of time unless you intentionally re-program your mind through repetition.  It is extremely easy to forget information, however, you cannot forget emotion. This is why it is so important to give people an emotional experience as opposed to focusing on the facts. Start by telling stories about your experiences focus on how you felt instead of getting bogged down by the details.

2. Be Present

Have you ever noticed how irresistible people are always in the moment? I once dated a guy named, Will, He would always give me his undivided attention. Whenever I was speaking to him, he was wholly present; he made me feel like I was the only person in the room. Will also gave this same level of focus to every aspect of his life. His ability to be present made him more attractive not just to me, but also to the people who he shared his life with. Passionate people like Will, are completely engaged in whatever they are doing in the present moment.

The key to being wholly present is awareness. Ask yourself, how often am I, wholly present? Take notice of how often you are not noticing what is happening around you or are lost in thought. The key to becoming irresistible is to be in the moment, be present. Make it your mission over the next seven days to become more aware of what you are giving your attention to. Do you spend your time lost in your own thought or daydreaming? When you become aware of yourself checking out of a conversation or during a work meeting or just daydreaming, redirect your attention to what is happening in this moment. It will take a little practice to master the art of being present; so do not beat yourself up over it. It is important to be present; because this moment right now, is the only time we have available.

3. Actively Listen

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation and realised the person you are speaking with, has zoned out? The majority of us will either zone out or be on the receiving end of this behaviour. How well do you listen to the people you speak with? Where do we go wrong when we listen to others? When we listen, we agree, disagree or judge what is being said. We go through a process of comparing what we already know and sometimes we adopt a defensive position, ready to protect our ideas or point of view. A conversation is not a battle, so pull down your armour. How many times have you being listening to your own commentary of a conversation instead of actively listening what the other person has to say? The key to being a great conversationalist and an active listener is to simply turn of the monologue running in your mind, stop interrupting and analysing, simply be wholly present and listen to what the other person has to say. Everyone is worthy of the gift of your full attention.

4. Be Passionate

Have you ever notice how irresistible people are always passionate about something? When you are passionate about a topic or cause your conversational abilities increased because when you are passionate, you fully immerse yourself in a topic and always have something to say. My younger brother, Eric is passionate about his place of work. Eric is a manager at a popular fast food restaurant, he knows all the ins and outs of how the store operates and always has an interesting story to share or is keen to bust a few of the popular myths about the company. Eric’s level of passion causes you to take notice and be immediately taken in by his conversation. His passionate conversation makes you feel like his workplace is the only fast food restaurant in the world; nothing exists outside of it. This level of passion draws people in because or its scarcity and in that moment he becomes, irresistible. It is difficult to zone out or not be wholly present when you speak with someone who is passionate about a topic or cause.

Irresistibility is a social skill that can be acquired not a talent that issued out to a select lucky few. The key to becoming a great conversationalist and irresistible is to give people an emotional experience, be wholly present, to listen attentively and be passionate. All of these qualities draw people in and help you create a strong and immediate impression.

With love,

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Photo Credit:  IngredientsPhoto , iStock ID # 19063405

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Amelia Hay

Author + Coach at Amelia Hay International
I help multi-passionate women just like you to package, brand and market your passions so that you can create your dream business and life, find clarity, confidence, and clients, and make a difference in your world.
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