the new rulesEllen Fein and Sherrie Schnieder, are the best-selling authors of the cult classic dating book the rules have released an updated edition of The Rules. The Rules was first published in 1995 and attracted a huge following of admirers and haters alike; The New Rules was released in January 2013 and stays true to tradition; it contains a list of 31 dating dos and do not’s that will enable you to capture the heart of Mr Right. In a digital world full of dating advice and love gurus who all claim to hold tried and tested methods on how you can capture the heart of Mr Right; what does The New Rules have to offer and what sets this book apart from all of the others?

Be a Creature Unlike Any Other

The first rule, ‘be a creature unlike any other’ paints a perfect picture of what a rules girl looks like; confident! This imagery of a perfectly confident women only illustrates what confidence is and goes on to explains that in order to gain confidence the repetition of simple mantra ‘you are a beautiful woman and any man would be lucky to meet you’ is all that is required. I am certainly not going to underestimate the power of positive affirmation however, confidence is gained through positive experiences coupled with an optimistic attitude which means we may have to break a few rules and talk to a few men! 

One day is more than enough – the best way to get over a guy is to meet another one!

Fein and Schnieder also encourage their readers to jump from relationship to relationship as a means to get over a  previous relationship. I am not in any way saying that it’s perfectly acceptable to pine after an ex-boyfriend for months on end.  Let face it, when you have a wound on your leg, you do not jump up and go head first into the next scheduled activity for the day; you pause, apply pressure, clean the wound, apply a bandage and if necessary you seek medical advice. This same principle can be applied to the emotional wounds that we receive from relationships. Unfortunately, emotional pain is something you risk when is comes to love but generally love is a risk worth taking and more often than not cannot be avoided; the good news is that all wounds take time to heal, even the small ones and the less emotional baggage that you take into your next relationship the better.

Men want to feel like they are dating a model or a celebrity; so look like one!

Keep your hair long, colour any grey hairs, wear makeup at all time and dress for a man. It’s clearly evident that neither Fein or Schnieder truly understand the rules of attraction; visual chemistry is important but it is only one element of attraction and on its own is not enough to build a long-lasting and meaningful attraction. The Rules Girls are encouraged to use makeup and clothing as a tool to look beautiful and sexy in order to build attraction; There is nothing wrong with using tools to enhance your best assets however, they’re just tools and will not make you beautiful or sexy. True beauty and sex appeal is a state of mind or comes from within and is echoed through behaviour not found in a bottle of Lancome’s latest foundation, in a set of 4-inch stiletto’s or a pair of chicken fillets. There is so much more to visual chemistry than looking like a model, a big part of visual chemistry is confidence; you can dress a certain way but if you do not have the confidence and feel sexy you will not be considered attractive. The times I have received attention from men have not been when I had the body of a victoria secret model or dressed for a man, but when I felt confident within myself, showed very little skin and was simply having a good time; men are visual creatures and perhaps, men are a lot less vain than what we are lead to believe.

Throughout the pages of The New Rules, the authors paint a very clear picture of how women should approach dating; passively! These set of strict dating rules remove women from the driver’s seat of their love-lives and place them in a position of waiting and accepting whoever comes along; women are simply expected to ignore their own feelings and wait for a man to find them. I am not advocating the relentless pursuit of a man or aggressive behaviour however if you want a long-lasting relationship, a woman should be at least be able to choose the man she wants and create a moment with him instead of selecting a partner from whoever may be interested. The New Rules also assumes that all men chase the woman they want. This is not the case, I have witnessed many of my male friends watching women they are clearly attracted to, but never approaching them. So perhaps the answer to this age-old question, ‘Can a woman make the first move?’ lies somewhere between not talking and an aggressive pursuit.

You should never show all of your cards, pursue anyone relentlessly, or ease all boundaries.

The authors, Fein and Schnieder provide a list of rules that encourage their readers not to show all of their cards too soon but instead be a little mysterious and create a little intrigue. In a world of social networking and modern technology at our fingertips most often than not we can all be a little guilty of over-sharing online. The New Rules, sets some much-needed boundaries in place and brings back the mystery into dating but listing a few dos and do not’s for Facebook, reminds us that Twitter is primarily a marketing tool and places waiting times on replying to text messages, emails and returning phone calls and thereby preventing the appearance of over-eagerness or neediness.

The New Rules, like its predecessor, creates a list of dos and don’t which take women out of the driver’s seat of their love lives and places them back into the waiting game as well as painting a few dangerous images of beauty, sex appeal and attraction. This book as a guide for when you get caught up in the moment and let your guard down too soon but not as a hard and fast set of rules to run your love-life by. Your love-life is too important to be left to chance. Are you a rules girl or have an experience using the rules that you would like to share? Please let me know by using the comments box below.

With love,

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Amelia Hay

Author + Coach at Amelia Hay International
I help multi-passionate women just like you to package, brand and market your passions so that you can create your dream business and life, find clarity, confidence, and clients, and make a difference in your world.
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